Warden Tales: Be Mine

Sonya Amell smiled softly as the familiar scent of the Circle Tower's library hit her; it was a comforting scent…a smell that always made her relax. Books were salvation, knowledge the greatest protection.

She ran her fingers over the tattered spines of the few books that had survived the tower's destruction.

And with that her heart ached once more…

All her friends, all her family, gone…Some had survived, but they were mere echoes of who they used to be. None of them dared look her in the eyes now, too frightened of her new status…and too nervous with how the templars were extra vigilant…ready to make a mage tranquil in an instant. The Harrowing chamber was locked down for the moment…no new mages old enough to try out.

Worst yet was her greatest friend of all…not Jowan, Jowan had betrayed her. No…Cullen.

Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered the things he'd said to her…the filth that had spewed from his mouth like poison…turning into little knives that cut her heart into shreds.

Cullen at first had been a nuisance…an annoying stalker that plagued her every step. She remembered a time where the thought of setting him on fire had made her smile.

Then Anders had left, and she'd faced being totally alone…

"S-Sonya?"

"Go away Cullen!"

"B-but…y-your crying…"

"Congratulations, would you like a gold star? Yes I'm crying."

His golden eyes became sad and for once his stutter disappeared, "I'm sorry I bothered you, I just thought you seemed really upset and might like someone to talk too." He turned to walk away.

"W-wait…" She sniffled, "Company…would be nice."

And he'd sat down next to her as she pulled her knees to her chest and cried. Placing a hand on her shoulder as she wept, finally just letting it all go and leaning into his side.

"A-Anders is a gifted mage, he'll b-be alright I'm sure."

Her eyes had widened at his words, a templar…giving a compliment to a mage. She knew Cullen was not fond of Anders; her blonde brother had made a point of picking on the young templar's obsession with her. That did not change her appreciation for the attempt to comfort.

"Thank you Cullen." She had whispered, turning to kiss his cheek before standing, "I'll talk to you later."

She looked back at him, seeing a goofy smile stretch his lips as he raised a gauntleted hand to touch where her lips had been.

They had talked often then, whenever he was sent to guard the library was the best…she would sit at one of the grand tables, surrounded by books, and he'd help her study.

Things had warmed between them…and soon she'd found herself blushing when he smiled at her, her frame relaxing at the sound of his voice. He wasn't so bad…for a templar.

Just as the affection flowered, she was taken away. Supposedly never to return again…

Then the whole disaster with Uldred occurred, and the Circle was almost lost. She had rushed through the rooms, saving as much of the tower as she could…her home.

Cullen had been tortured beyond the point of madness, crying out as she'd appeared, thinking she was a demon toying with him. It was then his affections had been confirmed as apparently the demon had taken her image and twisted it to torment him in his magical prison.

She knew it wasn't his fault…that he couldn't help being tortured, but his words had still broken her heart and torn at her soul.

She moved through the burnt out husks of bookshelves, running her hands over charred surfaces and trying her damndest not to cry.

Then she felt it…the sensation of being watched, a very familiar sensation.

"Cullen…"

"Hello Sonya." The words were spoken bitterly.

"How are you?"

"Look around, those blood stains used to be my brothers in arms, how do you think I am?"

"I've lost people too Cullen." She responded, her voice just as dead, "I lost brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers…mentors and those who I used to teach. I've lost it all Cullen." Her voice cracked.

His hands balled into fists, "I didn't come here to fight."

"Then why did you come?"

"I need to talk to you…"

She knew it was childish, but he was her first love and he'd thrown her away…she was bitter herself, "Oh, you would converse with me? A blood thirsty, heartless demon who enjoys the sight of dead templars? You really wish to speak with me Cullen? I am so honored!" Her words were dripping with sarcasm.

"Damn it Sonya, you have no idea what I went through…"

"YOU WERE NOT AT OSTAGAR!!!" She screamed, sure that the entire tower could hear her, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WAS LIKE, WHAT I'VE BECOME, WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!"

Cullen actually stepped back as Sonya's sapphire eyes flashed silver in the dark. All Grey Wardens' eyes eventually took on a silver color, some of the stronger ones' eyes actually glowed, a strange side effect of the darkspawn blood in their veins.

"I'm sorry Sonya." He whispered softly.

Her shoulders sagged as the anger drained from her face. Sonya Amell falling to her knees, looking up at him with an agonized look on her face, "What happened to us Cullen?" She whispered, looking down at her hands, "Maker's breath…I…I loved you, didn't you once care for me? Why do you hate me now?"

Cullen gasped as she said the words he'd ached to hear from her for years…but things were different now. She wasn't the same Sonya, just as he wasn't the same Cullen anymore. Life had altered them too much.

"Sonya…"

"No." She stood, smoothing her warden robes as she moved towards him, "its done Cullen…we never would have worked and you know it." He did, he had always known…he'd just allowed hope to blossom where it shouldn't have.

"Yes…you have that other Warden…Alistair."

He did not miss the small smile that curved her lips, a tinge of pink coloring her cheeks, "Yes…"

He was silent for a moment, waiting for the pain of that word to fade before twisting the dagger in his heart a little more, "Does he make you happy?"

"More than I ever thought possible." There was no cruelty or malice in her words, Sonya was simply being honest.

She saw the hurt on his face, "I'm sorry Cullen." She whispered softly, "You broke my heart…Alistair picked up the pieces and put me back together."

He nodded; "Yea…I'm sorry too…"He looked into her eyes, "For everything."

Sonya smiled sadly, "All is forgiven."

The moment became awkward as Sonya stepped back, "I think it's time for me to go…"

He nodded; there was nothing left for her here.

"I don't think I'll be coming back…" She added softly, "I'm not sure where my path leads anymore."

"I hope to see you again," He said, "Under better circumstances of course."

Sonya nodded, "Yes…" She moved forward, wrapping her arms around his waist, "Good-bye Cullen." She breathed, once more kissing his cheek and walking away.

"I love you Sonya…" He whispered to the empty room, "Good-bye."

. . .

"Ah, there you are my love, you ready to go-!!!"

Sonya leapt into Alistair's arms, crushing his mouth with her own. The most delicious moan escaped him as she pulled away.

"What was that for?" He asked huskily, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Just for being you…" Sonya murmured, "I love you."

It was raining, and if they stayed like that much longer both would be drenched. Sonya was grateful for the rain; it meant Alistair couldn't tell that she was crying.

He smiled at her words and it was like the sun came out, warming Sonya to the point where she didn't care about the rain, she didn't care about anything except Alistair.

"I love you too." He whispered, pulling her close for another kiss.

The lovers soon separated, Sonya lacing her fingers with his as they made their way back to camp to pack up and head out.

Sonya looked back one last time at her former home, hoping beyond all hope that Cullen would be alright.

She smiled up at Alistair, a question in his eyes.

"Next stop, Orzammar…" She said, leaning into his side as his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

. . .

Cullen watched them kiss, feeling his heart shatter and crumble as they walked away. Off to save Ferelden.

He sighed heavily as he sat at one of the libraries tables…feeling his eyes grow moist, but squeezing them shut to prevent tears. No, he'd fall apart later…now was not the time.

She was really gone now…and she wasn't coming back, he'd most likely never see her again.

The tears flowed despite his best effort to stifle them. He put his face in his hands, hoping beyond all hope that no one would walk into the library and see him like this.

A warm hand landed on his shoulder and he jumped.

"Oh I'm sorry; I didn't mean to startle you!" The woman's voice was soft and gentle. He saw her wearing the typical Circle robes…she was a mage.

Ruby red hair fell a bit past her shoulders, framing a pretty face that held eyes the color of Lake Calenhad, darker than even Sonya's. She was beautiful…

"It's alright, I'm just on edge."

She sat down next to him, "I saw you looked upset…would you like to talk about it?"

He drew in a shaky breath, "No…not really." Damn it, why couldn't he stop crying? He didn't want this woman to see him show weakness.

To his great surprise she leaned in, hugging him as best as she could though he was wearing armor, "I'm sorry you are so troubled, I'm here for you if you need me." She offered softly.

He felt his lips curve into a smile, and before he knew what he was doing he rested his head atop hers, a gauntlet coming up to cover one of her hands, "Thank you." He whispered.

As he looked at her, and she began to talk about other things, trivial things, to take his mind off the pain, he began to feel the little shattered bits of his heart pull back together.

She glanced at a clock on the wall a few moments later, "Oh Maker I'm going to be late!" She stood, "I'm sorry for just rushing off, but Irving will have my head!"

Cullen chuckled softly, standing, "It's alright," He reached out to grab her hand, "By the way, my name's Cullen…"

She smiled, it was a gorgeous smile, making him feel like the sun was shining upon him and it warmed his soul.

"My name's Hayden." She responded, lacing her fingers with his and squeezing his hand affectionately, "I hope to see you again." She added before letting go and running for her class.

"I hope so too…Hayden." He murmured, smiling as he turned to go back to his duties.

Maybe he hadn't lost everything after all…