Hijinks Ch. 2

"So, just from the few minutes I've gotten to know you, I'm guessing you blew the Collector base sky high, too?" Brina asked Kara as she settled into one of the seats in the Mess Hall, curling up against Thane as her other two companions took up chairs on either side of them.

"Oh hell yeah," Kara replied, busying herself with grabbing a few tubes of beer, one dextro friendly, while her Thane fixed tea for him and Brina's.  "I didn't trust the Illusive Shit with any of the tech in there and I didn't want to take any chances of there being any survivors to continue their harassment of our colonists."

Passing around the beer to Garrus, Brina, both Jokers, and herself, Kara took a seat across from the other Shepard and sprawled out on her chair.  Noticing how the other Joker was looking at her, she turned to her own and, after giving Joker No. 2 a wink, she dived into her husband's waiting mouth, eliciting a groan from the pilot who was stuck watching.

"That's just not right," he muttered, shifting uncomfortably in his chair to adjust his pants, while Brina snickered.

"Maybe not for you, but it sure as hell is for me," the one who had just been thoroughly  kissed groaned, nipping at his wife's lips.

"Doesn't help that your Shepard is fuckin' hot, either," Joker sighed, earning a jab in the side from his own.  "Hey, ow, that hurt, Brina!  Does it help if I tell you how much I admire your ass?"

Brina turned a bit red, ignoring the smirk from Thane, and focused her gaze on the blonde sitting across from her.

"Just outta curiosity, especially since I'm guessing the Collectors grabbed up your crew too, you ever put together an escape plan or look for alternative exits if you need a quick escape?" she asked, Joker's comment unfortunately reminding her of the time she got stuck on her own ship.

"Of course.  Training as an infiltrator, and having Thane as a mentor, I'm always checking shit like that out.  For example, if the elevator is locked down, there's the exit in the AI core, but if need be, there's also ventilation shafts in this room too," Kara answered.

"Siha…" Thane looked over at Brina, "Are you sure you want to go down this road again?  You know what happened the last time."

Ignoring her lover, Brina continued her train of thought.  "Okay, but just because they're there, can  you actually use them?  I know our drell can make it through, but we're not exactly built like them."

A Cheshire grin curved Kara's lips, answered by a smirk by her Thane.  Downing her tube of beer in a few gulps she stood and stretched, bouncing nimbly on the balls of her feet.

"Gauntlet thrown, challenge accepted, Brina Shepard," the blonde cackled, striding over toward the wall vent.  Reaching up, she pried the covering off and gripped the edges with her palms.  "EDI, looks like it's some girl on girl action between the two of us.  I'm sorry if it feels weird while I'm inside!"

Kara's husband and the other pilot about choked on their drinks, with Brina just barely swallowing her beer before it went spraying out on a laugh.

"Understood, Shepard.  I will do my best to hold a steady course in the meantime," the AI intoned with a possible trace of humor.

"Stars," Brina's Garrus chuckled, his mandibles twitching.

With a jump, Kara pulled herself up into the ventilation shaft and slithered inside, her booted feet soon disappearing from view.

"That's my girl," her Thane grinned, approaching the table with two mugs of tea, setting the other one in front of a drell who was half out of his chair in laughter as Brina spluttered out something incoherent when the other woman was able to do what she couldn't.

"Heading down to Engineering.  Be back in a few," they heard from inside the vent, with a bit of slithering, before the movement stopped.

"Get stuck in there?" Brina asked, a bit hopeful.

"Actually, change of plans.  We're missing someone," Kara replied, and soon they heard her making her way overhead and toward the Main Battery.

"That's just not fair.  She fits and I end up with my ass hanging out for all to see."

"Yeah, we about had a full moon on the ship," Joker snickered, turning to Kara's husband.

"Oh really?  I hope you took pictures."

"You should know me better than that!  Of course I took pictures!"

"Fuck you, Joker!"

Both men laughed, with the one leaning over toward the other one, and pulling up his omni tool.  Before he could bring up the file, the group was interrupted by Kara.

"By the gods… now I know what he meant by savoring the last shot before popping the heat sink!"

"Kara!" they could hear Garrus yelling from inside the Main Battery.

"By the way, that's one of the vids I picked out for Joker to send you," her voice echoed back towards the group.

"Thanks for ruining it for me, Shepard.  Now go away!" the turian's voice sounded a bit strangled.  The group could hear Kara heading away from her perch, little giggles escaping to echo back to them.

"Onward to Engineering now!  Be back soon!"

Brina turned to her Garrus, "You sick bastard..."

"Oh, and you're so pure minded?  Who's the one who subscribed to Fornax the day after Krios moved onto the ship?"  Garrus asked, leaning back in his chair to stare at his commander and best friend.

"Well excuse me for being curious, Mr. Fleet and Flotilla enthusiast!"

Their argument ended as Kara reappeared, her cheeks a bit pink and her eyes sparkling with mirth.

"Please tell me you didn't actually see Garrus's…" Joker began, staring down his wife, as said turian exited the Main Battery.

"It's such a pretty blue color…"

"Spirits," the turian in question groaned, covering his face with his hand as his shoulders shook with silent laughter.  "Joker, go do something about your woman…" he began, eyes widening as he finally took in the scene in front of him.

"Aren't you happy now that I'm your commander instead of her? At least I don't go that far… though I just might have to tap into your console and see what exactly you've got hidden there," Brina nudged her friend, laughter in her voice.

"Hey, it's not like I meant to see it!" Kara sputtered, " I honestly thought he'd be one of the first to check out this whole alternate dimension reality shit after I warned everyone else on the ship about a second Normandy, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay when he didn't show his head.  And that's not the head I'm talking about," she huffed as her husband began cackling at her choice of words.  "How was I supposed to know he was as caught up with himself as Brina was with Thane when their Joker hailed us?"

Brina grinned mischievously, "And if your ship is anything like mine you should know that no one believes you."

"I'm serious, I thought he'd be working on the ship's gun not his own!"

Brina cackled, "Sure sure hon, I mean it's okay, we all get curious…"

Kara stuck her tongue out at her before sitting back down, seeming unfazed as her husband pulled her close with a meaningful look at the other Joker. The other Joker's glum expression told her the message had been received.

Kara's Garrus had watched this with wide eyed amusement, seeming to shrug off the surprise of seeing double and taking a seat across from his alternate self.

Brina glanced at her empty glass before looking over at Kara, "Hey, you mind if I grab another drink?"

Kara smiled, "Not at all, you mind grabbing me one too?"

"Sure thing!"

Brina's Thane stiffened, "Siha…" He said warningly.

Brina rolled her eyes, "Thay Lord, it's just one more drink it's not like I'm plannin on gettin drunk."

At the others' questioning looks she explained, "I can't drink too much alcohol or my implants freak out and make me incredibly sick."

Kara whistled, "Man that sucks! I'm glad my upgrades don't have that problem."

Her husband chuckled, "Yea, I've seen her drink Ryncol without breaking a sweat."

Kara shook her head, giggling, "I set off every radiation alarm on the Citadel that day. Poor Joker slept on the couch…"

"Well I didn't want to get sick!" He defended.

Kara noticed the other Thane looking over his shoulder at Brina. The red head stood beneath the vent opening Kara had just used, staring at it with a strange expression on her face.

"Siha?" Her Thane asked.

"I need to lose weight." Brina replied glumly.

"Nonsense." Her Thane turned back to his drink.

"No, I'm bein serious here. My ass is too big to-"

"And I have become very attached to that ass and I think it needs to remain unchanged."

Brina smiled softly, falling into his lap in the next instant, "Thank you hon." She murmured before sliding Kara's drink over to her. Thane tucked her head under his chin.

"And here we go…" Brina's Garrus groaned.

Brina looked up at her turian friend with narrowed eyes, "Hey! We ain't that bad damn it." The assassin smirked into her hair.

"Whatever you say to allow yourself to sleep at night Shepard, meanwhile I and the rest of the crew are going to continue to work on making Brain Bleach a reality."

While the rest of the group laughed Brina rolled her eyes, "Alright while I'm enjoying the ever living hell outta this, my ship's on its last legs. Any suggestions on how to fix that?"

Kara looked thoughtful, "You know we may be able to do all the repairs ourselves. It looked like your ship was damaged in the same way my ship was so we already know what needs fixing."

Brina pulled up her Omni Tool, "Hey Tali? You there?"

An eruption of static sounded before the audio came into focus, "Y-yes, right here Shepard! Had a little trouble with the drive core but we've managed to stop the power draw from the life support systems."

Donnelly's voice came over the comm., "Yea, get this Shepard; the Illusive man rigged the core to vent into the Engineering compartment during heavy kinetic bombardment."

"He WHAT?!" Brina stiffened, "Are you three okay?"

"We're fine Brina." Tali came back on the comm., "Like I said, we patched things up before the core vented. It's not a permanent fix but we're safe as long as we don't assault another Collector base."

Brina sighed in relief, "Okay…so give me a damage report if you can."

"Ship's torn to hell," Donnelly called, "Big gaping holes all over, most of the damage is in the cargo hold and Engineering deck but we've got barriers up. It's a good thing you upgraded the shielding when you did."

"Well I've been talking with our new friends here and if we combine our resources and engineers the theory is that we can fix our ship ourselves."

There were a few minutes of silence before Tali came back, "We can do it Brina, the core functions of the ship are practically untouched, all the damage is to the hull and a few pockets of engineering."

"You realize Tali," Brina's Garrus leaned towards Brina's Omni Tool, "That this means you're gonna have to actually work right?"

Tali's voice turned icy, "One of these days, Garrus, you will be sleeping and I'll have my shotgun."

"Oooh I'm so scared…"

"And if it weren't for your stupid Thanix cannon tampering with the power draws the systems wouldn't have been screwed up in the first place!"

"Hey, it worked didn't it? Excuse me for saving our lives…"

"Bosh'tet…"

"Hey!" Brina snapped, hoping the sounds of the others laughing couldn't be heard through her comm., "Enough with the foreplay - can we get this done?"

Garrus shook his head at her while Tali instantly sounded flustered, "Y-yes Shepard, we can get it done. I'll send you a damage report."

"Good, I'll head over there in a bit to check on things okay? Didn't get much of a chance to inspect everything what with meeting our alternates and all."

"So…it's true then?" Tali asked, "There's two of everyone?"

In answer both Garrus' replied, "Hi Tali!"

"…well that's going to take some getting used to." The quarian chuckled, "I'll see you later Shepard."

"Understood." Brina shut off her Omni Tool, looking expectantly at the others.

Kara smiled, "Let's keep your ship docked with ours; I don't think the Collectors will bother us if we hover near the relay."

Brina snorted, "Yea, they ain't comin back from that explosion."

Discussion moved towards logistics, Kara's crew going over what they had to offer and Brina's group detailing what needed to be fixed based off of the data Tali sent over.

A solid plan began to form, both sides confident the other Normandy would be up and running on its own in no time.

"Well this has been a very strange and enjoyable evening." Brina said as her crew stood to leave, she needed to see the damage on the other ship for herself, "Thanks for helping us out, I did NOT want to deal with Aria over repairs."

Kara gave her a knowing smile, "She makes you jump through hoops in exchange for help too?"

"Yep."

"She made Brina a stripper once!" The other Joker piped up, laughing at Brina's responding glare.

"Really?" Kara asked.

Brina shrugged, "It was for a mission, long story."

Kara nodded, "Yea I almost had to spend a night with her to get the Normandy space worthy again."

Her husband cut in, "Thankfully that wasn't necessary in the end."

Brina shrugged, "Eh, it ain't that bad."

There was a loud thud as the other Thane dropped his mug before turning on his heel towards Brina, "You what?!"

The red head held up her hands in defense, laughing hysterically, "Just kidding! I wanted to see your face!"

"That wasn't funny Shepard." He replied icily.

"Oh shit I'm back to Shepard." She didn't sound upset about it in the least, batting her eyelashes, "Guess I'm gonna have to go back to my ship and wait for my punishmen-ach!"

Her Thane all but threw her over his shoulder, striding towards the elevator like this was a normal occurrence, "Say goodnight Siha."

Brina laughed as she waved towards Kara before being carried into the elevator, "Goodnight Siha!"

Kara noticed her Thane seeming a bit uncomfortable, but couldn't stifle her own giggles at the other couple's exit.

The other Garrus groaned, "I miss the days when all we knew about Shepard's love life was that Alenko occasionally spent the night in her quarters."

"You and me both, man." The other Joker responded.

"Wait…WHAT?!" Kara cried, eyes widening, "Her and Kaidan?!"

"What the shit?" Her husband echoed her surprise.

Garrus shook his head, "She was with Kaidan before she died, bastard left her on Horizon. You're going to have to ask her about it though. I gotta get back to my Normandy's forward batteries, that gun's not going to calibrate itself."

There was a series of muffled snickering before the other turian realized what he'd just said, "I don't mean that damn it, I'm serious!"

"Of course you are." Kara's Garrus replied which just made them all laugh harder.

"Alright," Brina's Garrus chuckled once everyone had calmed, "Let's get going Joker; I'm sure Brina wants us to run our own scans of the damage."

The other Joker seemed to hesitate, "Yea, but I was gonna-"

"Joker!"

"Oh alright." He grumbled before following Garrus into the elevator.

Kara smiled as the elevator doors closed, "Now that was interesting."

"Indeed." Thane responded.

"You okay Krios?"

The assassin seemed unsure, "It is…unsettling to see myself with another woman."

Kara nodded, "I'm sure it is, she's really nice though."

"That she is, and beautiful to be honest, it's just going to take some getting used to."

Joker snickered, "I'm sure she'd be happy to 'help' you get used to it."

Thane shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "Yes, I'm sure she would…Commander, if you don't mind I think I'll try to stay in Life Support when she comes over."

Kara chuckled, "You do whatever you need to do Thane, I understand."

"Keep your door locked Krios." Joker teased, earning a laugh from the assassin before he slipped into his room.

"Soo…you comfortable with another man undressing me with his eyes?" Kara smirked as she leaned back into her husband's arms.

Joker kissed the top of her head, "It's kinda hard to not be, seeing as the other man is me."

"You have a point."

"Still, I'm gonna have EDI keep an eye on him when he's on our ship."

Kara laughed, "Good plan love."

. . .

"What're you snickering at Joker?" Brina snapped, back on her own Normandy.

"Did you see how fast she got up into the vent?! Your face was priceless!"

There was a silence as Joker calmed, "Ah, you know I'm just teasing you…right Brina? Shepard?" He turned his chair around to look at her, finding his commander examining him closely.

"You know as we speak the other you is gettin busy with a blonde bombshell in the cockpit but over here? You're all cold and alone…it's sad really."

Joker frowned as she threw her head back and laughed, looking like she'd just kicked a puppy, "Too mean Brina. Too mean."

"Loooovvveee yyyooouuu!"